HOW TO KNOW IF YOUR IN AN UNHEALTHY RELATIONSHIP

Do you feel like you might be in a toxic or unhealthy relationship but your not sure?  Here are some questions and quidelines to applly to your relationship to determine whether or not you are in a relationship that is beneficial to you. The relationship can be between you and a romantic partner or between you and a familly member or friend.

How do you feel the majority of the time about your relationship?  If you feel on edge, sad or depressed about this relationship, it may be time to take a closer look at what the dynamics are between you and your partner or family member.

Does the person tell you that they love you and yet you don't FEEL loved?  Saying the words, "I Love You" can be very easy for some people, but acting in a loving manner is something totally different.  Don't fall for the words.  Be sure that you feel loved.  Being truely loved gives you a feeling of security, empowerment, caring and joy. If you answered No to the question above then even though you love this person, there is a reality that they may not be capable of loving you the way you need to be loved and in a healthy way.

When you bring up concerns or address issues in the relationship, how does the person respond?  Do they turn the situation around on you?  Do they get defensive and avoid addressing the issue?  Do they attack and make this about things you may have done?   Do they argue the facts and question your recollection of events? Do they accuse you of being crazy? All of these behaviors are emotionally detrimental.  In a healthy relationship, your concerns are listened to and addressed with a resolution and goal to improve your relationship. 

Does the relationship seem one sided? Do you feel like you are the one always giving and not getting back what you put in?  Does the other persons wants and desires take priority over yours more? If the answer is yes, then you are most likely in a relationship with a person who is mostly self centered and selfish.  Selfish people have a hard time putting other people's needs before their own.  They struggle to have fulfilling relationships with anyone in their lives.  

Do you or the other person use drugs or alcohol to medicate emotional pain and trauma or as a means to coping with life's stressors?  It is one thing to occasionally use drugs or alcohol in a recreational manor, but it is entirely different when they are being used to avoid dealing with life and your emotions.  Life can be very painful, but burying that pain under drugs and/or alcohol only makes things worse.  If either of you are abusing in this way, there is no way you can be having a healthy relationhip.  In order to have a positive relationship, you must be emotionally strong and healthy as individuals.  

Sometimes the most obvious abusive behaviors can be ignored.  You are in an unhealthy relationship if you or the other person speaks degradingly to the other, such as name calling, putting the other down, cussing and threatening.   Do you rationalize these behaviors away because someone was just "angry" in the moment?  People who speak like this to "people they love" are not being loving and that behavior constitues an unhealthy abusive relationship.  

If any of these traits are appearing in your relationship, its time to make some changes to heal that relationship or call it quits and heal yourself before beginning another relationship.  You are worthy of a truly loving, whole, fulfilling and positive relationship.   Don't let toxic people bring you down and keep you from reaching your full potential and following your dreams.

If you would like personal spiritual counseling, reach out to me on my contact / donations page to make an appointment. 



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